inspirational

There’s Always Room for Hope

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This morning as my husband and were drinking our coffee while mindlessly listening to the latest updates regarding COVID 19, we had a brief discussion of what items we might need from the grocery store. He had been a few days ago, along with other seniors who had the good fortune to go into the stores earlier than others.

I mentioned we could use some more oatmeal. His simple five-word comment threw me for a loop, “They were out of oats.” His statement was simply matter of fact. No grandiose delivery. No academy award winning moment. Just a simple phrase.

Sitting at my work computer at home during my self-quarantining because of international flights almost two weeks ago, I’ve continually read above COVID 19 and its rapid spread across our world. By the way, I have had no symptoms. Two months ago, I admittedly was not concerned. I am not too proud to say that, but I have no doubt others will deny their lack of concern so as not to be accused of being part of the problem rather than the solution.

How quickly things change.

Two weeks ago when I was working with other colleagues to market to Canadian media to promote travel to Texas, my colleagues and I turned from marketing to somewhat jokingly discussing options of how we could get home should they cancel flights. An epic road trip in a rental van was our solution, should we need to make a quick decision if flights cancelled. There’s nothing like the possibility of being stuck in another country to bring you back to reality pretty quickly, especially when you are told daily in emails that events in your community are being cancelled. We all made it home on our flights with no real issues, at least so far, and returned to our towns and cities to face our new reality.

Which brings me back to this morning…

In my life, I’ve seen gas shortages, weather catastrophes, and 9/11. All were frightening in their own way at the time, particularly the latter. While I felt sick for those affected, these events always felt at arm’s length. It was like looking into a snow globe and watching someone else’s reality take place. Not today.

A simple five-word phrase this morning over coffee, hit me in the face. “They were out of oats.” That phrase could have just as easily been, “They were out of disinfectant,” “They were out of apples.”

In my life, I’ve taken for granted something as simple as having oats for breakfast and believing it wouldn’t be an issue. What grocery store runs out of oats? In our current reality, ours does and so do other stores across the nation. It’s surreal.

It’s surreal that within just a few weeks, we can no longer dine in restaurants, only get takeout or order delivery. And, hopefully, people will do that. Events can no longer be held. Meetings of 10 or more are prohibited. Las Vegas hotels are closed for the first time since they opened. Let that sink in.

The industry I’ve loved and worked in for nearly 25 years is bleeding out. Colleagues are losing jobs. Housekeepers and wait staff are trying to figure out how to keep a roof over their heads, feed their children, and pay their utilities. Airports are empty. Vacations have stopped. Business people are no longer taking meetings. Everything that “starts with a visit” is at a standstill.

I write this out of my own nervousness but also to put the words on paper so that I can get them out of my head. I need to focus on being a productive person and help my industry, rather than allow the negative thoughts to consume me. I thought of one of my favorite quotes by Admiral Jim Stockdale this morning.

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
― Jim Stockdale

As I recognize we may be out of oats today, people may have lost jobs today, the world looks like a scary place today, I also know this is our current reality. It is not permanent. We WILL survive this after we get through our five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. That will involve tears, fear, laughter, prayer, and hope. No matter how full we are with our thoughts, there’s always room for hope. Hope is the jello of feelings. Yes, I wrote that. Don’t judge me right now. 🙂

So today, I work from my makeshift desk, looking out the window as the sun comes up. The mesquite trees are leafing out and the old timers would say there’s no longer going to be a freeze, meaning the temperatures will get warmer and people will want to breathe the fresh, warm air. I see the first hummingbird of the season, flittering around the multiple feeders to drink the sweet nectar and, hopefully, bring back friends to join it. Life is still good. Hope is in the air!

Oh, The Places I’ve Been

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This week, I have a very different view from my veranda, since I’m not sitting on my back porch today. Instead, it’s a photo from my hotel room window in downtown Fort Worth, Texas, as I’m in town for a conference. I’m at The Worthington Renaissance Hotel, which also happens to be where I started my career in the travel and tourism industry 26 years ago.

View of Sundance Square and Downtown Fort Worth, Texas

I don’t know about you, but when I was a teenager, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. I only had one thing that I knew for sure, apologies to Oprah for stealing her line. I wanted to be out of the house and on my own.

Fast forward almost a decade after high school and college graduation. I was the mother of a 15-month old baby and a stay-at-home mom when my life took a turn. Without going into the personal details and dragging people into this conversation without being asked, I suddenly needed a job. I landed a provisional position with American Airlines, but due to the fact I had a little one at home and needed insurance, I worked there for only a few months until I was able to find something offering benefits. A job opened in the hotel, and the rest, as they say, is history.

For almost three decades, I’ve worked in some capacity in the hospitality industry. If you ask some of my closest friends and colleagues who know me well, they would probably tell you I’m not really that hospitable. In fact, one of my least favorite things to do in the world is networking with total strangers. Pretty odd for someone who’s made hospitality their chosen career.

That said, unlike many people I know, I have no problem getting in front of an audience of 500 and giving a speech or singing on a stage in front of a crowd. But throw me into a room with people I’ve never met and I want to go over to the corner and blend in with the indoor tree shrubbery until the evening or sneak out, grab my camera and photograph the area instead of talking to people.

The Thru Truss Bridge near the tiny town of Burkett. Snapped this on the way to my conference.

I took theatre classes in high school and college so I became pretty good at playing roles. I’ve applied those principles throughout my life in order to get through times that were hard for me. If I play the part, I win and others win. I can talk to them as VP of my organization and wear that hat and then as soon as I’m done and away from them, I’m just the woman who lives in the country and takes pictures of the backyard antics. It’s worked well for me for 26 years.

When I took the job at the hotel all those years ago, I had no idea at the time I would be working in the travel and tourism industry, helping market communities so that others might be inspired to visit them. Me? The play-acting introvert! I do love what I do but the creative part of me has a greater comfort level than the people person I am required to be in order to be successful.

While desperately needing to find a job in order to take care of my family was the original reason, I’m thankful every day for getting into this industry. As a young girl in a family with few additional funds available to spend on such lavish things as vacations, my career path has lead to many travel opportunities. I’ve visited 33 states in the U.S. and five countries. Not all have been affiliated with my job, rather they have been the benefit of having a job in travel and tourism. I’ve learned about some interesting place through work and then wanted to visit. Those places were added to a bucket list and I’ve slowly checked them off.

While in Fort Worth, I was privileged to visit the Whiskey Ranch.

Surveys I’ve seen state the average American only visits 12 states and three countries in their lifetime. Travel isn’t for everyone but I can’t imagine not having gone to any of these places, meeting the people, tasting the food, and experiencing the cities and towns.

Someone once said, “Travel is the one thing you buy that makes you richer.” For me, no truer statement has ever been made.

As I begin my 27th year in the hospitality, travel and tourism industry, I am extremely thankful for that forced opportunity all those years ago requiring me to find employment. It brought me to where I am today. I am also grateful for the places I’ve been and look forward to seeing more of this beautiful, blue planet we all call home.

I highly recommend you make time to travel. It doesn’t even need to be overnight. Go on a day trip to some place you’ve never been and check out the people, places and things that give it personality. You’ll be amazed at the benefit you’ll get from the places you go.

Downtown Fort Worth, Texas

The sun is rising so I must begin my day. Enjoy the views from your veranda!

Throwing Your Weight Around

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Today’s view from my veranda is the garden my husband built me from repurposed lumber and an old door he got at a second-hand store. Over the weekend, I cleaned out the remainder of the garden, which consisted of a variety of tomato plants. They weren’t producing a lot and the tomato worms were having a party with the leaves, so I gathered them up and tossed them in the back part of our acre and let the worms have a field day. Meanwhile, I wait for the artichokes, lettuce, Brussels sprouts and greens to grow.

Recently in the news, late night talk show host James Corden responded to commentary about fat shaming by another talk show host that I choose not to mention. The host will be referred to as he-who-must-not-be-named, like in the Harry Potter books. My blog…my rules.

If you heard about the story, the other guy stated we needed to do more fat shaming in society. There was far more talk on his part but that about sums it up in the kindest way I can write.

Corden shared a rebuttal. I’ve always been a fan of Corden’s amazing musical talent and gift of gab, but he made me a bigger fan, pun intended, because of his eloquence. Pointing out to an adult male that encouraging fat shaming is another form of bullying is spot on.

Growing up, I was actually average weight. When I graduated from high school, I weighed 140 pounds at 5’9.” My parents went through a divorce when I was starting high school, but I still remained at a healthy weight. I played basketball, competed in speech, drama and one-act play competitions, and worked summer jobs as a waitress and then on the farm with family members, both in high school and college. If you look at the weight chart, you’ll see I was well under the healthy weight requirements suggested. I seem to remember the chart reading I should weigh between 128-168 and I think I may have peaked in college at 150. Women all over the south just fainted because I shared my weight range. Oh, I’m 55, for those women who were holding it together so as not to pass out the first time.

I remember when I looked at overweight people as a young teenager and in my early 20’s, I wondered how they got so large and let themselves go. I couldn’t really conceive it. Then life happened.

I’ve struggled with my weight my entire adult life. Wearing a size 8 wedding dress, I got married in my mid-20’s. A few years later at 27, I had a baby. I gained a significant amount of weight when I got pregnant and never really lost it, not because I wasn’t happy as a mother. Instead, I wasn’t happy as a wife, so I found solace in food. The weight literally kept piling on. I hadn’t seen 150 since my wedding.

A few years later, I went through a divorce, a bankruptcy, a foreclosure, and a move out of state and the weight actually came down. I found happiness in a new marriage, but this time I wore a size 14 instead of the size 8 from more than a decade earlier. A number of moves, new jobs, and other family challenges and the numbers began to climb once again.

I’ve had active moments. I’ve completed a half-marathon. I’ve trained with a heavy bag, building my upper body strength while getting rid of some frustrations. I’ve even worked out with the Wii, cursing the virtual assistant as I squatted, ran in place, and did lunges. I’ve owned treadmills, weights, and elastic bands. I currently have an exercise bike and an exercise ball in the spare bedroom.

I’ve yo-yo’d from 150-250. Yes. I have gained an entire young adult in my life, multiple times. And I’ve used self-deprecating humor to ease both my discomfort and that of others. I say I’m “twice the woman I used to be” or talk about the various sizes in my closet from 14-22.

I’ve never related to people who jump up and go for a run when they’re stressed. The last thing I want to do is apply more pain to my already out-of-shape body. Should I? Most definitely, yes. However, my choice tends to be to go in the kitchen and find the closest unhealthy snack I can find or cook something with the south’s favorite ingredients – butter and sugar. I’m a self-identified stress eater. If only my choices were a big salad with no salad dressing. I love salad but it’s not my go-to stress meal and probably never will be.

All this is to say, the struggle really is real for those of us who have been challenged with our weight most of our lives. I have yet to identify something in me that wants to continually maintain a specific diet, even though I truly know it works and that I should. I have moments when I look in the mirror and I’m good with how a look and then other times when I’m incredibly depressed about my body.

I admire those who are comfortable in their skin, whether it’s small or large. I have to admit that secretly I question if they really are comfortable since I can’t relate.

Will I always be overweight? I have no idea. What I do know is fat shaming is really not cool, even if you’re doing it to try and help motivate someone. As James Corden said, it doesn’t work.

I’ve had a lot of failures in my job, my marriage, and my parenting, but I’ve had far more successes in those areas, which is why this isn’t the easiest thing to admit. I know I’ve failed at weight loss/gain and I don’t like it. Will I do something about it? Absolutely. Will I be successful? Maybe. If I am successful, will I maintain it? I hope so. My track record would show otherwise.

So he-who-must-not-be-named will probably continue with the fat shaming and other people shaming that he is known for and it is his right to do so. Weight loss will be a challenge for a significant number of people around the world and not everyone will understand it. Could I “pull away from the trough” instead of eating? Yes. I hope some day to make those decisions easily. Until then, I await my garden of vegetables, yes, I do eat healthy more often than you might think. And as I gnaw on my next carrot or celery stick, I pray I’ll find the inspiration to do better with my body on a regular basis and not because of fat shamers. Here’s to a healthy mind, body and spirit.

The Buck Stops Here

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The game cam caught this big guy in the backyard enjoying the corn we put out in our feeder. We occasionally see them during the day from the back porch but not often so it’s great to have eyes at night through another lens.

In seeing the buck and other deer on the game cam and on a camping trip we took over Labor Day weekend, it got me thinking about a phrase involving the buck from decades ago.

When President Harry S. Truman added the plaque to his desk at the Whitehouse that read “the buck stops here,” I wonder how many read it and took the words to heart?

In watching or reading the news these days, it seems we never fail to learn that someone has blamed others for their lack of success, their lack of commitment, their inability to keep their word, etc. From elected officials and celebrities to law breakers and company CEO’s and even others we see every day at work or elsewhere, no one seems to want to accept what happens because of their actions or the lack thereof.

Who wants to admit their failures and bad decisions? I certainly don’t but it’s really more of an internal battle for me rather than a worry about the consequences. I have certainly had to deal with decisions I didn’t like but I survived, far better than I thought I would.

It makes us feel uncomfortable to admit a decision was ours and we fear people will judge us for it. It seems easier to run away or cast blame on others, creating a smoke screen, rather than own up to something that didn’t work out the way we thought it would.

It’s easy to own our successes but owning our failures, not so much. If we can overcome the fear of the consequences we could face, we can get through it. And, yes, some of those fears might become reality, depending on what we’ve done. People might judge us, we might lose a friend, we might not get reelected, but we will know that the buck stopped with us.

Once we do own it, we give ourselves a chance to show our leadership, our courage and our ability to honor the word we gave in the first place. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll better understand how applying “the buck stops here” to our lives could be one of the most important things we ever do.

Picking your Battles

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I was blessed this weekend with some amazing sunrises so let’s take a look before I get started with this week’s views from my veranda.

I’ve been blessed with a number of fantastic mentors in my life, offering advice to me whether I thought I needed it or not. And when you’re a young, know-it-all, even in your 30’s, you REALLY don’t want to listen to advice from someone in their 40’s. That’s ancient…says this now 55-year-old.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever been given was to pick my battles. As an athlete growing up, I still struggle with the concept but have learned through many trials and errors that it’s great advice.

As I sit on the back porch, watching the hummingbirds speedily flying around and determining which feeder they want to enjoy, the concept of pick your battles comes to mind. More times than not, I see a hummer fly up to get a taste of sugar water, only to be buzzed by a competitor then chased in what looks like a mid-air smack down across the backyard until they all run each other off before the next round.

Considering hummingbirds need to consume around half of their weight in sugar daily and they eat around five to eight times per hour, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me why they choose to fight when they really need to be saving up their energy and sit in one of five or six spaces in one of my feeders for a drink. Since I have four feeders, the birds have 22 different spots to sit on and reserve their energy and get what they need to survive.

It’s my view that the same goes for humans.

As I shared earlier, I was an athlete growing up, so I understand competition, especially in sports and even when applying for a job. You want to win!

To fight a battle just to be able to say you did is a competition in which we should choose not to partake. It’s not an easy lesson but an important one. Why? Because when a truly important battle finally arises and you’ve held off until the thing you’re passionate about comes up, your true desire to win will shine through. Those you are “battling” might just see your view and determine you should indeed win the battle and they might even join your side.

Or they might just surprise you and choose their own space and not get in your way at all, allowing you to accomplish what you were seeking all along. If hummingbirds can do it, why can’t humans?